I've been watching season 5 of LOST this weekend, and it is making me reminisce about my life and my goals and all that good stuff. And it makes me sad. I hate losing people in my life, whether via death or just falling outs. I've been thinking a lot about the last few good friends from my life, and how even though I'm a better person without them, I can't stand not having them in my life. I guess I've finally grown up more though, because I am constantly resisting the urge to go back to them.

It's ironic, because recently I've accumulated a few people that won't leave me alone. Those who know me well, know I am easily suffocated. So no, I don't enjoy people who keep seeking me out, sitting by me, trying to hunt me down every day when I clearly don't want them to. Now if I could just have a flash of light so that I could jump to the past, and fix a few of these things...

I bought an iPhone! It's great so far. I also finally succumbed to Twitter. I'm officially a lemming now... http://twitter.com/krbear104

I am enjoying 3 days off in a row and catching up on stuff. After the way the last 2 weeks have been, I don't want to see or talk to a single person for several weeks. ugh I've been planning a vacation for myself and I really think I'm going. It would probably be for June, but I am getting so excited. I will also go to Michigan soon to see my nephew again :)

I just watched Up In The Air, and it made me think we should start firing people the same way, everywhere. It was a good movie. It also made me think that I should just one day decide to take a trip out of spontaneity. I am excited for the snow we're getting this weekend, but then I can't wait for spring so I can use my macro lens with my new camera on flowers and bugs! Road trip to the arboretum in IL with Becca?? I think so!!!

Today I called in Absent at work, for the first time since I've been a supervisor (7 months). I just needed a personal day. I did a ton of errands, paid all my bills, took a shower, did 2 loads of laundry, read part of a book, watched Couples' Retreat, started watching 3:10 to Yuma, and took care of my mom the entire day. It's still a full-time job in and of itself.

My dad got home from work around 6:30, so I can finally relax. I found my Nintendo DSi and am charging it as I write this so I can finally play the game I bought a month ago -- Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box! Later I will probably start reading the last Harry Potter book from the beginning, and hope to finish it tomorrow. And do more laundry, and dishes, and bake, and watch another movie, and take care of my mom all day again. sigh.

"Don't ever be someone's slogan,

Because you are poetry."

-from 28 Days

fate, by any other name, is still not sweet

My bestest friend ever, and I, stopped talking years ago and there were a lot of reasons why. Now she keeps trying to creep back into my life but for once I am holding my ground. The problem is that I feel like a horrible person everytime I put my foot down with her. I'm so sick of this feeling.

I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that my life will not end up how I want it to. My heart has always 'been on hold' for a certain person, but I'm realizing he's not the BEST for me (especially after very recent events), even though I love him to death and have known him for many crazy years. It just makes me sad to realize we probably won't end up together in the end, like we always thought we would.

"Here it comes, ready or not--

We both found out it's not how we thought

That it would be, how it would be.

If the time could turn us around,

What once was lost may be found

For you and me, for you and me..."

-Lifehouse, "It Is What It Is"

"I close my eyes and all that I can see

Is someone who I'm never gonna be."

-Lifehouse, "Crash and Burn"

In the last month or so, I've been asked out 5 times, had 2 people tell me they have a crush on me (one person told me 2 days in a row), and was possibly asked out by a girl. I have no idea what is going on, I am so good at avoiding things like this that now I am afraid to talk to anybody, because these were all quite surprising incidents.

I got in a horrible fight today over the stupidest thing, but it was worth it to get a night out and drink with friends. Too bad Sam left Captel, but at least she will get awesome traveling discounts! I think the rest of this month is going to be surreal for so many reasons.

My phone contract is up next week, I'm still trying to decide what provider to go with and what phone to get. Not sure if I want a touch screen, but they all look nice. My first priority (especially after tonight) is still moving out. A new phone can wait. Now it's just sucking it up and dealing with the fights about moving, packing everything, and just moving on.