"Tragedy"

Last night I came across a notebook that had a lot of "journal entries" and poems I wrote. I read it, and found the series of text messages that were my ex-boyfriend and I breaking up that I had written out to save for myself, apparently. We broke up almost 5 years ago and weren't even together 2 months. It wasn't all bad, and he was a really good guy. I think we were just on completely different wavelengths and dealing with immensely different problems, so we never truly 'connected.' And I'm bad enough with relationships as it is.

It was just heartbreaking reading some of what he said when I broke up with him. I completely shattered his heart (which I knew, and was reminded of every day for several weeks!), but I realized last night that I've never truly made peace with the fact that I could hurt someone so badly. I think I finally have closure now, realizing that while in a way it *was* my fault for breaking his heart, it is not (entirely) my fault. Things happen, love ensues, love is not reciprocated, love grows, love fades, sometimes love never blossoms at all, and you can't possibly know ahead of time what is going to come of anything.

I came across this song tonight and it reminded me of my ex. At the time, I didn't believe he truly loved me, not that he would lie about it, but it also was never reciprocated by me. I've been over him for a long time, and now I can *finally* stop carrying the guilt for breaking his poor heart. And although he said he couldn't possibly live without me or ever stop loving me, I'm sure he's doing just fine and hopefully he is happy, wherever he is. He deserves it.