hope for the hopeless

I've always been pessimistic, but I am trying to alter that. And what better time to try, then when I am moving away from the only life I've known? There is so much to be hopeful for out here. :)


"I've just begun a new phase--
I'm trying these days.
I've watched you close,
I'm versed in all your ways;
I'm just beginning to realize
I'll get you one of these days..."
-Rilo Kiley

Starting Over

I've grown and learned so much since I graduated from UW-Whitewater in December 2005. I've made and lost so many friends since then, and honestly felt like I even lost myself. Then I went through a very painful experience 3 years ago, and I couldn't even recognize myself after that. I've only recently come out of that, but was still suffocated by everything else.

I transferred to Madison 3 weeks ago, keeping the same job, with the intent of going back to school soon. I still wonder if I made the right decision, but everything points to 'yes'. I've already met some great people, settled in at work, have a place to stay in the interim, and have an awesome apartment for October where I will finally be able to breathe. My entire life, I've felt suffocated. I don't even know how to breathe anymore, and I don't know how much longer I could have lasted.

Already, there is friendship. Already, there is hope for things to come. Already, there are butterflies. Already, the stress has vanished. I am truly happy, and I only just got here. I can't wait to see what is out here for me, once I finally start living my life.

The 2 lamps I ordered are here, and my parents picked up my nesting tables from IKEA yesterday. I bought a vacuum cleaner last week. And my shoe rack should be here by Tuesday. I'm getting so excited!

People don't understand what I am going through emotionally this month. This is not just 'moving' for me. But it will get me back to square one, and I can finally live life. I've been so emotional about this, but things are already showing promise in Madison. And there are some really great people :) I just hope that all of the false perceptions of me dissipate quickly, because I'm starting to wonder if some of it is true...

Tomorrow I'm going to Indian Summer Festival in Milwaukee, and then packing. Next weekend is a wedding and more packing. The weekend after that is my last weekend to pack, and the 1st weekend of October I'm officially moving to Madison!!!

Moving On

After 27 years, I feel I am finally "moving" in life. I've been stuck at home, stuck in bad friendships, stuck in an emotionally bad place, my entire life. After all the times I said I'd do something about it.... well I finally am.

I transferred to a job in Madison and am staying with a good friend of the family while I work, until I can move into my apartment in October. It's surreal boxing up my entire life, bit by bit, on the weekends when I come back home. But I know I will finally be happy once I'm fully moved out. After all the years of suffocation, I will finally be able to breathe, and I can't ask for anything more than that! :)

I am still nervous about moving to Madison, because I have 2 friends out there and that's it. I don't know anyone else. I know that I will, but it still sucks leaving all your friends behind. I think, in the end, this is the best decision I've ever made for myself. And now my brother and his wife are expecting another child!!! Joey just turned 2 years old, and the next little one is due in June. I can't wait. :)