migraines suck

After 3 1/2 days of migraines, and 1 day of horrible bloody noses (which are extremely rare for me), now I have a bad cold! ughhhhh I also am starting to think I need glasses -- I've been getting headaches much more frequently, and it's always after lots of TV or computer stuff or long drives (I'm fine with close-up stuff thank god). I had perfect vision last time I got checked, but that was freshman year of hs, but that was 13 years ago! I really really really don't want glasses, but it would be better than constant headaches!

Greg Nowaczynski gave me some CDs to listen to, and one of them is Glassjaw. I can't believe I've never listened to them before! They are fantastic. Now I have 10 bills to pay, muffins to bake for my mom, 2 loads of laundry to do tonight, dishes to wash, and then I want a nap! I also have to figure out what phone I want, since my contract is up in 14 days :)

Also, I love this song by Jimmy Eat World, and by serendipity came across this awesome girl on Youtube, her covers are fantastic. So here she is.

Ever since the winter x-games, all I can think about is how I've wanted to snowboard for 10 years, and still haven't tried it. I ski occasionally, but I used to skateboard (barely) and think I'm much more suited for a type of board. I just have to find somebody who snowboards well who can teach me.

I am planning a vacation for myself, 2 vactions actually. One won't be till at least 2011, I want to get SCUBA lessons and certified first. The other one is for closure from mourning, which doesn't exactly make it a 'vacation,' but it is something that I've decided I need to do. I think I've figured out how to make it a happier adventure, too. So I'll start planning that. It will be nice to go somewhere and be by myself.

I just spent 4 days in Madison visiting one of my best friends. Her daughter is so precious, and has me wrapped around her finger. Every time I see her (or my nephew), it reminds me how much I want a family someday.

I am starting to look at apartments again, I want to move by June hopefully. The next few months are going to be horrible for personal reasons, there is too much going on that I am barely dealing with, without trying to find a place and move. But if I don't move soon, I think I might finally break...

"I just wanna get out;

Stuck inside of this

Waiting for something else.

Waiting to exist--

Can you offer me help?

Help from what I missed,

I missed..."

-Our Lady Peace, "Do You Like It"

snowpocalypse!

Today I didn't have to work because I switched some shifts with somebody. I woke up at 2pm, snowblowed the 5+ inches in the driveway, watched Dodgeball, payed 8 bills, snowblowed the driveway again, cleaned my room, played guitar, played Rock Band, played some Mario Bros. wii, did 3 loads of laundry, and now I'm watching some Numb3rs episodes and baking brownies. It was a good day.

My parents are still in Michigan because of the weather, they were supposed to be home today. They will probably make the long voyage home tomorrow if the winds aren't too bad with the snow. But now I have to work 8 days in a row, and then I'm going to Madison to visit Libby!!!

go let it out...

Today my good friend Mary came over, I haven't seen her in a year. She's exactly the person I needed to talk to about everything that is going on, so while I'm still in a bad mood, I feel better to let it out.

I played a bunch of songs tonight on guitar that I haven't played in quite awhile. Worship songs, and one I wrote years ago, because Mary prayed for me and then it was all I wanted to sing. She also gave me back a book I gave her like 4 years ago I forgot about, "Troubling Deaf Heaven." It's a book about feeling like God is ignoring you. And it's something I struggle with every time I get back my spiritual mindset.

Right now I'm apathetic, and my fingers hurt from playing guitar for so long. I'm disappointed that I'm not really good at anything, and I feel like the last 8 years of my life were wasted, and I don't ever feel appreciated, and I feel that I am likable but truly unloveable, and that is a bad combination of things to think about.

"When in disgrace with Fortune and men's eyes,

I all alone beweep my outcast state,

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,

And look upon myself and curse my fate..."

-Shakespeare, from Sonnet 29