Wow, I can't believe my last post was made while Tom was still loving in New York! So much has happened since, but I feel I need to vent about that whole phase of my life, as it still does haunt me.
So yeah, Tom came back from a family reunion vacation on our 1-month anniversary… told me he loved me for the first time, and then told me he was moving to New York but not breaking up with me. I hated him for it, but had fallen in love with him while he was on vacation, so I couldn't just break up with him. I sure with I had, only to save myself all the pain and torture that happened since he moved. I do not, however, regret what we've made it through and where we are now.
Anyway, he finally went to New York on 9/11/12, and after about 1 month I couldn't take it any more. He did not call or contact me in any way for THREE DAYS after he left for New York. I thought everyone was right — that it was his cowardly way of breaking up with me without actually having to say it. Then he didn't understand why I was so furious and hurt when I finally got ahold of him. His communication was awful for that month, he kept cutting our phone conversations EXTREMELY SHORT to keep his friend Jarod company (who, by the way, is an awful person for many reasons I will not get into here, but he kept telling me that Jarod was just half-living there since he was homeless but not actually, and blah blah blah, but then always wanted to hang up with me to party with him and not 'keep Jarod bored"). So yeah, communication was awful and Tom was not acting like he valued our relationship very much at all.
So I visited Tom in mid October of 2012, I drove all the way to Syracuse, NY expecting we'd end up breaking up but I needed to deal with things in person. He… surprised me. He was a different person, and saw what it had all done to me. I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, and I was always very nauseous with a migraine. I was wilting away. He was very sweet and promised many things, and I left that weekend feeling renewed. He did start to communicate better, but it was a process :)
A month after that (November 2012), we met halfway and he let me choose where. Toledo, Ohio seemed the easiest for us to meet up, so that's where we went. We stayed in Maumee which is maybe 20 minutes outside of Toledo. And that weekend was magical. He had been saying he'd move back "someday," but never gave me any kind of time descriptions. This particular weekend he said he couldn't believe he ever believed his grandma (who we found out lied to get him to move to New York), and that he couldn't believe he ever put me through all of that for any reason at all. He said he hated himself for ever moving away from me and wanted to spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me. He promised he'd move back in roughly a month, so I asked if he could move back by Christmas as it's my favorite holiday and would have been our first real holiday dating. He said yes. Since then, Toledo has held a very special place in my heart.
Tom did move back to Wisconsin, and moved right in with me, on December 12, 2012, which was our 5-month anniversary. It was awkward, since we'd only been together 5 months, but those last 3 months were long distance. And we had some big issues we were just trying to sweep under the rug which just makes things worse. But it was worth it.
I wish I could let things go easily. Instead, it seems the harder I try to let things go, the longer I hold onto them and stew over them. I HATE that all my grandparents are long gone, yet Tom is lucky enough to have 3 grandparents left, and the one he is closest to lied to his face then told him to keep it all a secret, in order to steal him away from the life he had. He had a great new job, had just re-signed a lease with his 2 best friends, and a new girlfriend he had fallen in love with. But when he said he couldn't drop everything and move, his grandma laid the biggest guilt trip on him about how then he doesn't care about his family and his deathly ill grandfather at all. And so he finally said yes. And for what? He had to quit his job, he really nearly lost me, and in the end he lost both of those best friends. All for a selfish old woman. (Sorry, yes I am still very hurt and upset by the whole thing. I wish I could speak my mind to that woman!)
I really do try to stay positive, but I feel too much all the time, so things like this really do hold me down. In the end, I married that man and now I am carrying his child, so I should simply be happy. I am, but the whole long distance thing brings out so much anger and hurt in me I wish I could scream. So I will just say this: no matter how much you think you should alter someone's life path, do not let yourself tear someone's life apart just to get what you want. It hurts more than that person: it hurts their friends, their employment, their GIRLFRIEND, and their own happiness!
