I'm losing my tenacity... too much stuff is pent up in my head. I guess I'm not as resilient as I used to be. :(


I can barely keep it together some days; it's the culmination of it all. As always, I wait for a turnaround, but it's never close enough. God knows I need (and deserve) a little peace here and there. Can you find it for me please?


Tonight I realized I've put my faith in the one person that keeps letting me down (story of my life). Stop pretending you give a shit about me... I'm over it dude.



I was excited to actually go out for Halloween this year, but it seems no one wants me to come to their parties, and I don't know of anyone going to the bars. But it's okay, because after the last 2 days, I'm no longer in a party / people mood. I think I need a retreat by myself, somewhere peaceful in the heart of nature. I would love to go camping by myself somewhere like Elroy-Sparta, and just do my own thing. Especially since it seems I have no one left to depend on. Hope the rest of you get to enjoy Halloween...

sans swine

After being horribly sick (no Mal, it was NOT the swine flu!) for a few days (3 1/2 months, really), I FINALLY feel good. I missed school and work, and slept the entire day Wednesday. I came to work Thursday with a fever, chills/sweats, and still really shaky, and since Eli left I had to stay by myself which was bad. But I made it home and crashed until 2pm today and am good as new. :)


I found a great apartment I'm going to check out next week. I really really want this one, but it's still a distance from work. It's my compromise though for a great big awesome place. I just spent a ton of money this month though - I should probably stop that huh? All I need is a coffee table for my apartment, so at least I won't be spending anything once I move. I really can't wait.


It seems my life is finally calming down once again, but I know very soon it's about to blow upside down, and I just hope that I can handle what I know is coming. I swear everytime I try to get ahead or just get content in my life, something big pushes me back or pushes me down. And I never let anyone help me after that, so it takes me forever to get back to where I even started. I swear I don't know what I'm doing wrong in life, or who I pissed off so badly, because even I shouldn't have karma this bad. Right?

My laptop apparently has a bad hard drive. I restored it successfully, but I keep getting the error message every 15 minutes that my hard disk is bad. Thanks a lot DELL. I just bought a super expensive digital SLR camera last week: I got the telephoto lens, case, cable switch, and battery pack already. Now I'm just waiting for the actual camera and normal focal length lens. It's an incredible camera, and well worth the money. 21.1 megapixels baby!!! I can't wait to take pictures with it :)

We had to do some studio photography this week, I thought I'd hate it but I loved it. I just got my slides back tonight and they turned out so good!!! I have to take another roll of slides in the studio next week, so I'm still thinking of ideas for subject material.

I just sponsored a fruit bat, and the 2 baby tiger cubs at the Milwaukee zoo... what have you done today?? I also found some more apartments I'm hoping to look at next week. *fingers crossed*


This is the first weekend I've had off, and I truly enjoyed it. I still had some homework to work on, and had to label all the slide mounts of my studio photographs. But I've watched a bunch of episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and started a movie. And now I have a weird urge to bake some bread, mmmm There is always next weekend.

I got my Halloween costume all complete, do you? I can't wait!

sleepless in Wisconsin

Tuesday I got 2 hours of sleep, then went nonstop Wednesday between school and work from 8am till 3am. Wednesday night I got about 4 hours, so Thursday I was just horribly ditzy. I couldn't fall asleep till 5:30am Thurs night and was up at 10am Friday, and was doing errands and cleaning all day.

After 4 hrs of sleep last night, I was up at 9:30 taking Graphic & Abstract images straight until 6pm, when I finally stopped for hot chocolate. I got rained on 3 different times, almost blown over on my skateboard, then snowed on, AND sunburnt today! I managed to take 84 photos today - there was so much set up work with props and such. I have to take the last 8 pictures tomorrow I guess. I just hope they turned out okay!


Our next assignment is Studio Photography! I'm excited but extremely nervous. We get to pick whatever we want to bring for subject material and set up the lights however we want, so it's truly original creativity. I have a few ideas, but nothing exquisite or unique. I have to have all my props figured out and my pre-production photo list completed by Wednesday, and study for our test, and label all 109 slide mounts from the photos I'm taking now, and fill out 3 photo logs detailing the pictures I took...

I went to the doctor this morning, so my pain is much better already. I took a 3-hr nap today, I didn't realize how much I needed it until I woke up.

I wish that I could help a certain someone - take away his pain. I'm terribly worried about him. He's going through more than anyone should at this age, but I guess I'm in that same position too. Which is probably why we're so good for each other. Or are we?

Here's my "theme" song, one of probably 5 that I have. She's one of my favorite artists, and she's sort of my Amerian Idol. I wish I had her style, looks, voice, charisma, energy, and perseverance. Enjoy.

updations

I'm in lots of pain, literally and figuratively. Hopefully going to the doctor tomorrow because this is pretty bad...

I got my Halloween costume today! I can't wait for Halloween this year, it's going to be exciting.

Trying to tour some apartments this week, I just wish I had more time to find a place.

School is going great. I can already see a vast improvement in my photos, and the current assignment is very challenging, but also the kind that makes you find your own creative eye / style. So I'm looking forward to finding my very own creativeness.

Almost fell asleep at 9pm and now I'm wide awake again. Insomnia is almost like a part-time job LOL