gifts & curses

Is it possible to exude so much empathy onto someone sitting next to you? I can't really explain it, but sometimes I can just feel people's sorrows and fears and pain, and it completely changes my disposition.

I haven't felt this much caged emotion in awhile, and at the same time haven't sensed so much goodness coming from one person. I wish I knew what to say to make it better, but I know from experience usually words don't numb you the way they're given out to.



"Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and
Your best look
You're praying that you make it

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold."
-OneRepublic

wonderwall

The last 3 or 4 months, I have had only nightmares. And lots of them. Generally, I have a lot of dreams, and they are really bizarre. But now it seems they are completely replaced by awful dreams that wake me up in tears and sweat. That wake me up shaking and torn apart. Thus, I have officially gone back to my extreme insomnia that I used to have; it's finally resorted back to its full meaning.

This, mixed with the recent deaths I've been dealing with, has all left me... numb. I can't stand closing my eyes without feeling like I'm taking myself to the same hellish place each night, and I can't stand opening my eyes without suffocating from reality. It's ironic I guess, having a Writing degree and yet I can't figure out how to explain the depth of what I'm even feeling.



"Sing a sad song
In a lonely place
Try to put a word in for me
It's been so long
Since I found this place
You better put in two or three."
-Oasis, from "Sad Song"


"Damn my situation and the games I have to play
With all the things caught in my mind.
Damn my education, I can't find the words to say
About all the things caught in my mind."
-Oasis, from "Don't Go Away"